Tuesday, June 30, 2009

In the Midst of it

Yesterday I missed my devotion time and I was truly in a funk for most of the day, but slowly around 11a I started to come alive. I am pretty sure it had nothing to do with the “nutritious” breakfast of a special K bar, yogurt and coffee. My brain just needed a little bit of time to warm up – it was Monday.
The devotion was entitled, “Waiting for the Rain,” mmm…how that just made my heart skip a beat. When I think of rain, I am usually not very excited unless I need to get some sleep; something about the sound of the rain makes me drift into a deep sleep. Anyway, the story started off about how this couple had been praying for job for the husband for two years. They felt as if their prayers were going unanswered, so in hopelessness and despair they stopping asking God for a job. The story then diverts to Elijah and the famine in the land of Samaria.


“In 1 Kings 18, after God, through Elijah, had defeated the prophets of Baal, Elijah began to pray for rain. Six times he petitioned God, six times the servant reported nothing, expectantly on the seventh plea, there was a cloud ‘as small as a man’s hand coming from the sea’. And it rained.”

My husband has been out of work for 11 months and needless to say we have felt the harsh reality of this economy. Recently he was called in for two interviews and we are still pending those responses, but in the midst of it all, I have had to keep a positive outlook for both us. He has been able to raise our daughter from the age of 7 months. They have this bond that may not have been established, if he had not been unemployed. She has learned to “dribble and shoot” basketball, dance to all genres of music, and wrestle. I have to remind him that one of his heart’s desires was to see all the little things he missed with his other daughter and God has provided that even though the road has been rough. In the midst of this I have learned that once again I am not in control of anything that I think I am and I have to fall on my face numerous times to ask God to forgive me for trying to sit in the driver’s seat.
It’s difficult to wait sometimes, especially when we are so desperate for His aid, His guidance, His answer. “Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you” (Luke 11:9) Giving up, complaining, being angry – all these are just not options for us.

Let’s keep knocking on Heaven’s door, patiently waiting for our Father’s perfect plan, His perfect timing, to unfold. He is always working, always for our best.




















Sunday, June 28, 2009

Cherokee

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth...



Yesterday Keilana and I spent half of the day at the lake with other families and couples. Not to say that I didn't appreciate the moment as we were in it, but it was really on the way home that I began reflecting on our time together. As I was coming down Washington Road and saw the flashing lights at Pollards' Corner, I glanced back at my baby girl sleeping and thought how this time although she may not remember, I would.
We walked across sand, she had never touched before, toward the lake and it was evident that she was very excited to get in the water. She nor I were prepared for the rocks that were underneath the surface of the water. Once we were comfortable in the water, she didn't want to get out. I will know next time to bring some water shoes, beach chairs and extra towels so she can play in the sand. The sun shining down didn't seem to bother either of us.

I was really excited for her to take a boat ride. She willingly put on the lifevest, but quickly discovered that it inhibited her ability to move. Nonetheless, we made it into the boat and off we went. She totally loved it except for the wind blowing in her face. It was hiliarious!!!


Previously I was discussing with my husband that I wasn't sure what a girls' day was supposed to be with an 18 month old. As I thought about in the quiet of the car, I realized that as grown ups we try to make grand plans trying to "impress" our children with how cool a day we can have. It usually involves spending more money that we have and the children whining about how they didn't do everything they wanted to. Yesterday wasn't cost free due to gas, lunch and Capri Suns, but yet in still the time was priceless. Spending an afternoon together just enjoying God's creation of land, air, and lake was definitely a great memory and just a little bit of Heaven. on Earth.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sentimental Value

As I am becoming more familiar (and addicted) to Facebook, it has become a sad realization that I have been stuck in my own little bubble. I could say that is because I became a parent early on and I had different priorities, but the realization is that I alienated myself because I felt that I didn’t fit in. I felt I needed to prove the negative connotations wrong and somehow my success would somehow vindicate those other young, single moms who had been stereotyped. As I am catching up with old classmates, I am seeing how many of them have been there for each other through various times in their lives, from marriages, birth of children, loss of family members and it makes me wonder how things could have been. All of my sacred moments didn’t go in vain, I shared them with the one that meant the most to me for whom I worked and struggled through tough times for – Rico, my son.

So today, I am going to dinner with friends to catch up with them and their lives and I am very excited; although it is due to a somber occasion. (My prayers are with Kaci and her family) I don’t take my experiences lightly and they have helped shaped my character, but somehow I feel as if a part of the real me is missing. I took on the world in an effort not to be a contributing statistic to the high school dropout rate or young, unwed mothers on welfare, but yet I know that even if I did add to those statistics, I would have still been ME. I understand now that pride should take a backseat sometimes, I understand that my weaknesses are usually someone else’s strengths, I understand in my attempt to be all that I could be and all many thought I could never be, I really never existed, I never found my place. I have to admit that it was very tiring to achieve all the things I thought would make me worthwhile in “somebody’s” eyes and now I am learning to do things that make me happy. We all know when ‘Mamas happy, everyone else is too’ *Smile.

It didn’t seem fitting until just now that I had skipped ahead to tomorrow’s devotional entitled, “Time to Talk.” It states how God is relational and created us to be in relationship with Him and others. Friendships are vital to our spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being. Both work and play can get in the way of maintaining those friendships. We need our friendships; making time to invest in them is wise.
Unlike the subject in the story, who had left her friends disappointed at the loss of camaraderie, I can say my friends’ and my conversation seemed to have picked up where they left off almost 12 years ago. I am truly blessed and I am humbled at the chance to reinvest in our friendships.
“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts” Ecclesiastes 4:9

Friday, June 19, 2009

This is an email that I received from my brother in-law...I hope you enjoy..*sigh



A little long but worth the read....



Puppy Size - This is one of the neatest stories you will ever hear. You will know precisely what this little girl is talking about at the end (you'll want to share this one with your loved ones and special friends)!



'Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this,' the mother told the volunteer. 'What is it she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked. 'Puppy size!' replied the mother. 'Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for.' 'I know..... we have seen most of them, ' the mom said in frustration... Just then Danielle came walking into the office'Well, did you find one?' asked her mom.'No, not this time,' Danielle said with sadness in her voice. 'Can we come back on the weekend? 'The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed 'You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's always a supply,' the volunteer said.
Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. 'Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend,' she said. Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. 'It's this weekend or we're not looking any more,' Dad finally said in frustration. 'We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added. Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning... By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one.One by one she said, 'Sorry, but you're not the one.' It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer. 'Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!' She screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!'' But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,' Mom said. 'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,' she said. 'Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!' The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both. 'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said. Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!'





Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day. They are the sighs of God. Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what you hear. 'Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.'I hope your life is filled with Sighs!!! Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.





I Appreciate You!!



Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Facebook

Yesterday was a rather unproductive day, not because other people didn’t provide me the tools I needed to get work done, but because I was on the social networking site Facebook. Yes, I am admitting that I am addicted, not to the site itself, but to the ingenuity of the concept. I have “found” so many friends that I have lost touch with because life got in the way and now am able to keep up with current friends so the same thing doesn’t happen to us.
Isn’t technology great?!
Today’s devotional is called The Glory. It talks about how we have to endure suffering and afflictions so that God’s glory can be revealed. As I think about the ‘besties’ that I have reconnected with, I realize that my journey through life has brought me to this point of being able to share His goodness and to hear about how He has worked in the lives of my friends.



“Whatever our blindness ( as with the man born blind from birth who was given
sight-John 9:2) is, whatever our heartache is, when the final chapter closes on
our lives on this fallen earth, we will know that all the pain, the heartache,
the tears, the struggle, have been worth it.
When we ask, ‘Where’s God when
I’m hurting,’ we forget the amazing future reward He has promised. Not
only do we forget it, but we also underestimate it. We underestimate how
good the end of the story is really going to be.”

So no matter the decisions you have made and the obstacles that seem to be at every turn, don’t give up! Remember that what man meant for evil, God meant for good; there is a purpose. Hold onto His unfailing love, show the world He is the – I AM and when God rewards you, it will be far greater than anything this world has to offer.

Thank you that today I am filled with the joy that I didn’t know was coming and that the future is full of many things that I can’t phantom because if I could I might change some things that I think don’t ‘fit’ and I would miss all that You have for me.

“ ‘ For I know the plans I have for you’ – this is the Lord’s declaration – ‘plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11)


Hold on He is not through yet!!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Nothing like affirmation...

The initial purpose of this blog was to … Not really sure what the main purpose was … maybe, to entertain someone with my half marathon training and just some miniscule reflection of the inner me while at the same not be boring and gauche, but yet witty and somewhat cultured.

In the midst of all that something else has occurred and it shouldn’t have taken something like a blog for me to realize it. I am praising the Lord and acknowledging His goodness, mercies and saving grace. His goodness comes in the form of my family – immediate and extended, work family and church family. And also those people that I just ‘pass’ through life with never really developing a relationship, but nonetheless we have an impact on each other in some form or fashion. His mercies are the things that are given to me though I don’t deserve them. His grace is shown by not punishing me for being disobedient, but continuing to bless me even in my selfishness.
To be honest, I haven’t been a regular attendant at church services and have felt that somehow I was letting down the Lord and all those that have been there for me. Dare I say I felt hypocritical? The forsaking of corporate fellowship can make a person a target for the enemy, but in my case it has made me a warrior for Christ. Not saying that I won’t get back on schedule, but in “doing all those ‘things’ for Christ”, I had forgotten just to BE IN CHRIST. If that makes any sense. I can’t remember a time that while I was attending regularly that I didn’t feel some sort of entitlement to His blessings and now that I am not among the masses, I am seeing that I don’t deserve anything, but that Lord is glad to bless me. I don’t have to EARN THE LOVE OF MY HEAVENLY FATHER; I am learning to live in His love and grace, not under the oppression of getting it right all the time.

There is real freedom in knowing that.

As always I defer to the Journey devotional for my inspiration (until I can just do this off the top of my head and from the scriptures hidden in my heart), entitled Draw Near.

“Our deepest understanding of who God is and what He’s like most often comes as a result of hard times – when we’ve been desperate and He has delivered. Think about how you came to know God.
Your hard time is the perfect opportunity for the light of His love and goodness to shine through. And take heart: In the midst of the mess, God is just waiting to reveal how deeply good He is.” (June, 2009)

Becoming transparent is one of those God things because you never really want to show how you feel inside. But in remembering that your struggle or triumph is a testimony to someone who may be going through the same thing you are.

In closing, I heard this song by CeCe Winans “Albaster Box” when I first returned to the church 9 years ago, it was my moment of transparency.

The room grew still/As she made her way to Jesus/She stumbles through the
tears/That made her blind/She felt such pain/Some spoke in anger/Heard folks
whisper/"There's no place here for her kind."/Still on she came/Through the
shame that flushed her face/Until at last she knelt before HIS feet/And though
she spoke no words/Everything she said was heard/As she poured her love for the
MASTER/From her box of Alabaster/And I've to come to pour/My praise on HIM like
oil/From Mary's Alabaster Box /Don't be angry if I wash HIS feet with my
tears/And I dry them with my hair/You weren't there the night HE found me/You
did not feel what I felt/When HE wrapped HIS love all around me/And you don't
know the cost/Of the oil in my Alabaster Box/I can't forget the way life used to
be/I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound/And I spent my days/Poured my
life without measure/Into a little treasure box I thought I found/Until the day
when JESUS came to me/And healed my soul with the wonderOf HIS touch/So now I'm
giving back to HIM all the praise HE's worthy of/I've been forgiven and that's
why I love HIM so much
As I recall that service and how I sat with my hands folded in my lap and realized the wetness on my hands were the tears of shame, I cried and talked to my Jesus and those tears turned to tears of comfort as I felt His arms pick me up and cradle me.
There I was safe in His arms.

Footsteps...Footprints


Today (Sunday) started off in the wee hours of the morning and although things ended well, it was a bit scary. My nephew knocked on my door to say that my sister needed to take his little brother to the ER. Being that I was in a sleepy stupor; nothing registered at first. Then I heard all the yelling and saw the baby just hanging from sister’s hands. I grabbed my glasses, purse and keys and ran down the stairs calling 911.

The baby finally started breathing and crying as we waited for the ambulance to show up she said that she heard footsteps going back and forth upstairs (we live in the apt right above her) and she told my nephew to come upstairs and get whoever that was. We all were sleep; no one was walking around in our house. Except the One who watches over us, He was there. Normally, I don’t sleep in the living room and so it would have been very hard to hear someone knocking on our door from the master bedroom. I thank God that He knows our needs before we do and that He is there to carry us when are tired.

It reminded me of the poem:


Footprints in the Sand


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes
There were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish,
Sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so
I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
That if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed during the most trying periods of
My life there has only been one set of footprints in the
Sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only
One set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”


Author Mary Stevenson, 1936